


Hiccups

by StoryBel



Series: World Beyond Dreams [5]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Hiccups, Modern Girl in Thedas, One Shot, Sillyness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-06-24 17:30:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19728403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoryBel/pseuds/StoryBel
Summary: Evie has the Hiccups. Bad! And she desperately needs to get rid of them. The Inner circle have some suggestions on a cure. Some seem pretty simple. Some are a bit more creative. Others are bat shit insane and should never be attempted by anyone! But will anything actually work?Silly fluff peace from the More Than A Dream universe but not really cannon and can definitely be read by itself. Hope you enjoy and it makes you smile.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!  
> I got the Hiccups at work the other day and couldn't get rid of them. It felt like I tried all the tricks and nothing worked. But it gave me an idea I couldn't get out of my head. What would each member of the Inquisitions go to Hiccup cure be?  
> And then this happened.  
> I'm not sorry and I hope you enjoy.

Hiccups

" _Hic!"_

I froze, spoon halfway back to my mouth from my almost finished bowl of porridge and waited fearfully.

_Nooo. Stop. Please let this be a one off. Just don't-_

" _Hic... Hic!"_

_Damn it!_

I dropped my spoon back into the bowl with a clatter, my hands snapping up to cover my mouth as my shoulders jumped in small spasms. Looking up sheepishly at the table I was greeted with the curious and amused stares of my comrades.

"Sunshine was that a Hiccup?" Varric asked his mouth spreading into that wide eager grin I dreaded to see being sent my way.

I whined pathetically from behind my palm and nodded, stifling the noise of another soft hiccup but not the small jump it sent through my willowy frame.

The dwarf chuckled and rubbed his hands together eagerly.

"Alright," he announced to the breakfast table. "Twenty gold say this one lasts an hour. Any takers?"

I frowned darkly at my friend but as usual it did little to deter him or the others.

Blackwall stopped munching on his toast and began checking his pockets for coin.

"Forty-five minutes," the Warden declared. "An an extra ten says she'll end up with the really loud ones."

"You're on!" the dwarf cheer already pulling out a roll of parchment and a quill, beginning to jot down numbers and names. "Who else?"

"Var-R _hic_!" I bemoaned. "Not again."

He just laughed gleefully, taking down Bulls bet as the Qunari leaned down to whisper it in the dwarfs ear. I sighed in defeat and hiccupped softly. Despite being technically in charge of the Inquisition I had no control over any of these misfits and assholes.

And they knew it.

"Two hours," Dorian offered thoughtfully. "And she ends up doing those hiccups where you also burp a little."

I turned to my friend in betrayed horror.

"Oh not you _hic_ too Dorian!"

The Tevinter Mage patted my knee sympathetically.

"Sorry Evie," he apologised kindly. "But travelling with you across this hell-scape has ruined at least seven set of robes and I need replacements. _Decent_ replacements."

"Hour an' a half!" Sera declared slapping her hand on the table excitedly. "And she gets all watery eyed."

"Tight pain between your ribs, sharp and sudden. Uncontrollable shakes and noises that can't be fought down." Cole muttered breathlessly from his place at the end of the table. The spirit boy never ate, at least not that I'd ever seen, but he liked to join us at meals and make odd sculptures out of the food. Today it looked like he'd made a small castle out of toast, complete with a porridge moat and a little flag.

I had no idea where he had gotten the little flag that looked to be decorated with a tiny Inquisition insignia.

"The noise brings the stares, the laughter. They focus on the flaw. Face heating, breathing hurts. _Why won't it just stop?!"_ Cole continues large pale blue eyes looking my way. "You don't like the attention. I don't want it to last long."

"Thank you Cole, _hic_." I said gratefully smiling at the strange young man.

"But it probably will." He added his head tilting to the side thoughtfully under his patched oversized had. "At least an hour, you will likely be very frustrated and get a stitch in your side."

I groaned and buried my head in my arms.

_They were all against me. Even the bloody spirit of Compassion!_

" _Hic_!"

"You could have avoided this My Dear if you'd just eaten at a more acceptable pace," Vivienne purred without sympathy, her lips twisted in disapproval. "I've seen dogs eat with more restraint."

_Ouch, I wasn't that bad was I?_

"I- _hic_!- was in a hurry. I'm running late _. Hic!_ And there's so much to do this morning, I had to _hic_ rush."

"You're always running late," Cassandra pointed out, barely glancing my way as she focussed on her own breakfast. The Seeker was above this kind of nonsense.

I felt my face heating up with angry embarrassment.

"Well maybe people should _hic_ stop sending me a small mountains worth of _hic_ requests and paper work every night after dinner. _Hic!_ " I defended. "Then I might actually be able to get more than four hours of sleep."

Cassandra looked up and frowned unhappily at that but before she could question me further we were interrupted by the sound of quickly approaching low heels and he rustle of fabric that usually preceded the arrival of the Inquisitions ambassador.

"You're still eating?" Josephine admonished hurriedly as she came to stand over my shoulder and examine what was left of my porridge. "We have Council in fifteen minutes. Then we need to go over the preparations for today, everything needs to be perfect! The Inquisition can't afford for this meeting to go wrong."

"Which _hic_ meeting?" I asked, wracking my head to recall my schedule.

_Breakfast. Council meeting. Training and a quick stop by to inspect the troops. I had to drop in and collect some things that Dagna had been working on. I needed to visit the requestions officer and sort out why the hell he had ordered seven crates of vinegar. Then more paper work before I could hopefully sneak into the rotunda without anyone interrupting me and spend some time before lunch with-_

"Did you forget?" Josephine asked drawing me out of my thoughts, her dark brows drawing into a stern frown.

"Maybe....? _Hic._ "

Josephine's eyes widened in fear.

"Please tell me you didn't forget who was arriving today Evie," she pleaded. "This is a very important visit!"

_Important visit?.... oh shit!_

_OH SHIT!_

" _HIC!"_

Josephine jumped startled by my loud and sudden hiccup.

"Inquisitor do you have the hiccups?"

"That's today?!" I squeaked in panic, not answering her question.

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Yes that's today. He's expected to arrive shortly after lunch."

" _Hic, hic, HIC_!"

"You should try and get rid of those Inquisitor," Josephine advised and began walking away, her head already bowed over her clipboard. "We have a lot to go over this morning and it won't do to have you distracted."

I watched her go feeling panic settle into the pit of my stomach. Then I turned to my companions.

"H- _HIC_ \- elp!"

"No can do Boss," Bull chuckled his bulk shaking with laughter. "Can't tamper with a bet. You know that."

_Oh for the love of Andraste!_

"Forty gold!"

"What?" Sera asked, confused.

I had to stifle a few painful hiccups before I could answer.

"I'll give forty gold to whoever hel- _hic_ \- helps make these bloody _hic-_ cups stop."

There was silence, then...

"Seventy gold" Varric countered.

I narrowed my eyes.

"Fifty."

"Sixty!" Bull tried.

"Forty-five." I said firmly. "And you get to miss out on the next _hic_ mission."

There was a rumble of general agreement among all those placing bets.

"Deal!" Varric declared happily. "But the other bet still going too, just encase."

"HIC!" I agreed, standing up to reach across the table and shake the dwarfs calloused hand.

As much as I hated to encourage this I needed all the help I could get.

After all there was royalty currently on its way to Skyhold. There was no way they could be greeted by an Inquisitor with a bad case of the hiccups, they would lose all respect for us.

Not to mention I'd likely die from embarrassment and shame.

_No! There was no way I was going to meet King Alistair Theirin with the hiccups!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who's up first to help cure Evie and what will they do?  
> Hope you guys enjoy the silliness.

"Is that really necessary?" Cassandra asked on an exacerbated sigh.

"Yes, I _hic_ need it to stop." I contended. "You know what I'm like when th- _hic_ -is happens. I can't concentrate properly!"

"But to pay for it?!" Cassandra scoffed. "You are our Inquisitor! Our aid should be automatic and unconditional."

"Aw don't be a stick in the mud Seeker." Varric jeered earning an icy glare from the dark haired woman. "Evie might be our leader but she's also our friend. Therefore we are obligated to try and scam money out of her."

"Two aces hidden beneath a thigh high boot, she taunts and teases to distract but you know." Cole murmured softly, long pale fingers opening and closing the draw bridge of his toast castle. "There's another in tanned hands laced with lyrium lines. Three ladies are held close to Hawkes chest, trying to protect them like he couldn't protect others. He holds them tight but needs to let go. The three kings tucked up a red coat sleeve can help. It's all in fun, he'll lose his coin but I'll buy the rounds with his gold....And he will laugh."

"Exactly," Varric said gesturing over to Cole. "Even the kid gets it... I think."

Cole beamed. "Laughter helps to hide but also to heal."

"And you get a prophet," Dorian said pointedly to the dwarf.

"See everyone wins." Varric replied happily.

I hiccupped, again...And again.

"Help" I pleaded pathetically. "Pl- _hic_ -ease."

Cassandra heaved an exasperated sigh.

"Just drink some water, quickly." The Seeker commanded.

I sighed myself, shoulders twitching with subdued hiccups. That was always everyone's first suggestion and had never actually worked for me. But might as well rule it out to start with.

After pouring a cup of cold water from the jug on the table I quickly chugged it and waited patiently for the inevitable.

" _Hic... hic_!"

_There it was!_

Cassandra frowned.

"Perhaps you need to block your ears as well while you drink. My uncle use to do that."

"H- _hic_ \- ow? I only have two hands _hic_."

"Here, use this!" Sera said gleefully leaning across the table and waving a straw in my face.

Dorian offered to hold the glass and straw still for me. So with everyone watching I poured another glass and placed my fingers in my ears. Everything became kind of muffled but I could still hear the soft chortles of amusement from my friends. I felt my cheeks heating with embarrassment but shook it off. I had to get rid of these stupid hiccups.

So I drank water from the straw with my fingers in my ears feeling like an imbicile. Sucking down the chilled liquid as fast as I could. One gulp, two, three then-

"HUCK!"

The hiccup struck mid swallow causing me to choke. Water went both down the wrong way and up to my nose. Suddenly I was coughing and spluttering over Dorians hands, water dripping everywhere as I twisted away to avoid spraying more drink and spit across the table than I already had.

"Vishante Kaffas! Careful Evie!"

"Oh my _hic_ God! I'm _hic_ so hic S- _hic_ -orry Dorian!" I coughed, scarlet faced as I reached desperately for napkins to mop up my mess. Cassandra and Dorian the only ones to help, the others were too busy laughing their assess off at my expense.

"Nice Boss!" Bull laughed boisterously.

"Euww, gross!" Sera cackled gleefully slapping the table. "It came out your nose!"

" _HIC!"_

Vivienne sighed disdainfully and stood gracefully to leave the table before her own dignity was tarnished by proximity to the disaster that was Inquisitor Treval. I didn't blame her, I wanted to walk away from myself to. Frequently.

" _Hic!_ Sorry," I apologised again to Dorian, looking up at him pathetically. "That's w- _hic_ -hy I don't usually bother with the _hic_ water cure."

Dorian looked like he wanted to be mad, but his moustache was twitching with barely concealed amusement and his coal lined grey eyes softened when he took in my miserable expression.

"Yes, well so you should be." He sniffed, cleaning off his hands for the second time with a silk handkerchief from his own pocket. The Tevinter man then passed the hanky over to me and sent me a warm reassuring wink. "But it's not like you don't know how to make it up to me."

"Wine and _hic_ cheese?" I asked hopefully, dabbing at the wet stains now covering my lap and shirt.

"Good wine and cheese," he corrected.

_Phew, I was off the hook._

_"HIC!"_

_Accept for these fucking hiccups!_

"Well the water didn't work," Varric teased giving Cassandra a victorious smirk.

"Then what do you suggest?" The Seeker snapped back.

Varric seemed to think for a moment then his broad face lit up with an idea. The dwarf jumped up from his seat and we all watched curiously as he walked leisurely over to the small table in the corner of the hall that Varric had somehow claimed as his writing space. He rummaged around for a moment before trudging back and coming round to stand beside where I sat. Given his height I was practically eye to eye with the crafty dwarf and was instantly suspicious of the gleam I saw reflected in his hazel gaze.

"What... _hic_?"

He held out one of his quills, one with a long soft plume.

_Huh?_

"Your cure is to write on her?" Cassandra asked dryly her dark brows drawn into a disproving frown.

"No," Varric said with a grin. "I'm going to make her sneeze!"

_Oh... wait!_

"Uh... is that a _hic_ good idea?" I asked hesitantly.

_After all I'd already snotted on one friend this morning..._

"You want to get rid of those hiccups?"

I relented with a sigh.

" _Hic_... Yes."

Closing my eyes tight I leant forward and gripped the edge of my seat to stop myself from fidgeting or swatting at the feather as Varric raised it to my face and began to brush it under my nose. The soft tickling sensation was irritating, making me want to pull away. But the urge to sneeze simply wasn't there.

"Anything?" Varric asked hopefully after a few moments.

I shook my head, nose wrinkling at the sensation.

"No, _hic_ not even a sn- _hic_ \- iffle." I said. "It just ti- _hic_ -ckles."

The tickling stopped and I blinked my eyes open to see Varric standing and looking at his quill, clearly disappointed.

"Well damn, that usually works for me." He shrugged, "Sorry Sunshine. Guess it's someone else turn. How about you Hero?"

Blackwall perked up from across the table next to Bull. He chuckled lightly at my apprehensive stare.

"Don't worry my lady," he soothed. "I've got a less traumatic method."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fun fact, while I was Googling potential cures for hiccups I came across this little story about some ancient Greek man named Aristophanes who had to make an after dinner speech at the home of another Athenian playwright. As the moment approached, the nervous playwright got the hiccups.  
> Story goes he turned to another guest, a well-known physician and said. “Either you have to make my speech or cure my hiccups.”  
> The other man told him to hold his breath and drink some water. That failing, he next told him to tickle his nose with a feather adding, “If you sneeze once or twice even the most violent hiccup is sure to go.” Whether the doctor gave the speech is not known – but both cures are still stock remedies.  
> Too bad Evie can't sneeze on cue. I thought Varric, being a writer and all, that this cure fit him all too perfectly. And of course practical Cassandra would suggest the water.   
> So what do you think the others might suggest?


	3. Chapter 3

Blackwall stared levelly at me from under his thick bushy brows.

"What did you have for breakfast today?" He asked seriously.

I blinked at him, perplexed.

" _Hic_ Pardon?"

"Don't think to hard about it Inquisitor," Blackwall said waving away my confusion. "Just answer the questions please?"

I looked down at my unfinished and now stone cold bowl of porridge meaningfully then looked back up at the Warden with my eyebrows raised.

"This? _Hic._ "

His cheeks went a little flushed under his beard.

"Ah, right of course. But what about last night, what did you have for dinner last night?" Blackwall pressed.

After a moment of thought I shook my head.

"I don't know _hic_. It was mystery meat night at _hic_ the tavern." I explained sending a glance at Sera. She had been the one to insist on dinner there last night. "Do you think it was something I ate _hic_ yesterday that caused this?"

"No, nothing like that." Blackwall answered smiling broadly. "What about lunch yesterday?"

Before I could even think about it Bull jumped into the conversation excitedly.

"It was those pies that merchant bought, the ones with the spice! They were great!"

Blackwall scowled and elbowed the Qunari sharply in the ribs.

"You're not supposed to answer for her!" The Warden hissed before turning back to me. "Then what about breakfast yesterday?"

I looked down at my current plate again and hiccupped.

"Same as _hic_ usual."

"Ok," Blackwall continued sounding a little frustrated. "What about dinner the night before."

I tried to recalled, struggling to remember.

"Crumbed and hot and familiar. Covered in cheese and tomato sauce. Tastes like home and regret and sadness. The pleasant taste mixes with the smell of smoke and screams of panic and pain. It's hard to swallow at times but you force it down. At least something of hers made it here." Cole mumbled from the edge of the table head bowed and hidden under his hat.

_Oh yeah that's right!_

"Chi- _hic_ -cken Parmi," I crowed victoriously like I'd just got the answer to a trivia question. "Thank you Cole."

The spirit boy raised his face and smiled happily at me, glad to have been of assistance by dredging up unpleasant memories.

"You also had the apple pie," he added. "It made you happier. You thought about asking if you could get more whipped cream to-"

" _HIIICCC!_ THANK YOU COLE!" I all but yelled trying to interrupt him, feeling my face turn red again.

We were all pretty much used to Cole accidently divulging each other's personal thoughts and feelings. It had become an almost unspoken rule that none of the inner circle would ask too many questions about the personal things the spirit boy bought up.

But that didn't mean they could control the giggles and waggling suggestive brows being sent my way.

_Perfect,_ I thought bitterly and ignored a strangely muffled giggle that seemed to come from under the table. My _mortification couldn't get much worse right now. And Blackwall had claimed his remedy was less traumatic._

"HIC!!"

"Well that failed," Bull pointed out.

"It doesn't work if you lot keep answering for her," Blackwall admonished, clearly giving up on his cure and blaming its failure on the current company.

"Making her think back and try to recall things to distract her and take her mind off the hiccups, giving her something else to focus on without drawing attention to it." Dorian mumbled thoughtfully from my side. "That's actually quite a clever trick. I wouldn't have expected that from you Blackwall."

The Warden frowned.

"Why do I feel like that compliment was an insult?" he grumbled.

"Because it was," Bull rumbled as he reached for another two pieces of toast.

"Now, now don't be offended. A backhanded compliment still counts as a compliment," Dorian retorted smoothly.

There was a soft rustle from under the table, not much but enough to have me wary. So when a shaggy blonde head suddenly burst out from under the table between my legs I wasn't as startled as I should have been.

"RARGH!" Sera yelled arms out stretched above her and hands curled in a way to mimic claws.

Dorian jumped besides me, startled and spilling tea over his hands and I noticed Cassandra flinch, her hand going for the butter knife on reflex before realising the lack of threat. Several people at nearby tables turned to look at the commotion then shrugged when they realised who it involved and went back to their own business

"H- _HIC_ -ey Sera," I greeted.

The round elfs face fell into a pout of disappointment.

"You weren't scared?"

I shook my head apologetically, "I heard you under the _hic_ table, knew you up to something."

"Piss it!" Sera swore and stood up in the small space between me and the table, forcing me to lean back in my seat to give her room. "Scaring people usually helps. Now what?"

"You know, you could go and ask Solas." Dorian suggested far too casually as he dabbed spilt tea from the table with his already wet hanky. "He may have some ancient elven ritual to cure you. Or perhaps he has a spirit friend with some helpful suggestions."

I could feel the heat returning to my face.

" _Hic!_ No, no no no, I'm _hic_ fine." I insisted quickly, waving away his suggestion. "No need to bother Solas. I'm _hic_ sure it will just pass on its own soon. Right? _"_

My companions just stared at me with varying expressions of disbelief and knowing scepticism.

_Well thanks for the show of optimism guys!_

"HIC!"

I sighed in defeat and twisted about on my seat to stand.

"Thanks for trying guys but I'm going _hic_ to be late for the Advisors," I mumbled miserably. "I'll see you all later."

I left the table with a few nods of farewell, Sera taking up my vacant seat instead of going back to her own, and made my way to the War room.

Dorian wasn't wrong in his suggestion. Of all the people in Skyhold Solas was probably the best person to approach about a bad case of hiccups. Not only was he skilled with healing magic he had a wealth of untapped knowledge from his connection to the Fade and its inhabitants. Problem was I had a shocking habit of embarrassing myself in front of the Elven Mage. Solas had seen me at my utmost worst and I was desperately trying not to be so pathetic in front of him now that we were... well whatever it was we were. I wanted to be someone strong and dignified, someone he could be proud to be with. Not the feeble and useless girl who always seemed to be crawling to him for help.

No, this time I wasn't going to humiliate myself in front of him. There was no need to really.

Besides the hiccups couldn't last forever, surely they would just go away given time.

Spoilers, they didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Blackwalls cure is the one I use on my friends and family. It usually works as long as long as they don't know what I'm up to when asking the questions. Soon as this trick is known it stops working.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think of the short story.  
> Also what's your cure for the Hiccups?!


End file.
